2005-04-28

Let me finish my talking……………..

Everyone talks. No one listens. This is the way the world functions. I have done some amount of work on emotional quotient, being happy, seven habits, etc. Almost all of them have listening as central theme. I have consciously tried to develop this skill. But never really felt that I got used to it. It is difficult to listen. Every time.

Today we had role play. I started with as a listener. There were set rules to follow which if stuck to religiously, bingo, you achieve being a good listener. Believe me, it was tough. And I ended up talking more than required, using a few Buts, Ifs, interrupting the speaker, etc, which were not supposed to be done. Same was the case with all of the team members. What was fun was most of us performed the job of speaker well. The role play of a speaker was an extension of our everyday lives.

The problem with listening is that mind is almost always processing. Some times, thoughts and ideas. Many times, BS. There is so much of work-in-progress that unless you puke it out, there will be disk-space problem in mind. So, there is almost always no time to listen. We however hear most of the time as the mind can simultaneously pick and process the sound waves passing by.

Also, when I can get things or make someone work for my objectives by bullying, using my position or by faking or even by a good strategy, why do I need to sweat over listening, which almost seems unnatural and un-human. But the problem with all these tricks is that solutions will remain short lived. One will have to apply these tricks every time one needs to get something done.

Listening, on the contrary, provides sustainable solutions. We set a rapport and empathy with the other person and he/she voluntarily does things for us. (@)

Let me see if I can improve this skill.

Post Scriputm

(@)We need more skills to do well on personal front than at our office. At office, things are more or less set, objectives are defined, hierarchy is known, and expectations are again understood. In personal life, goal setting is voluntary which again is a result of soul searching. There is no hierarchy. Expectations are not defined. Listening will help personal life more than it can help professional life.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I firmly believe that listening is important in personal life. It can also help you respond 'better'. I recall this favorite example that I repeatedly quote.

A man comes home from work. As soon as he enters his home, his wife starts telling him about the excrutiating headache she has had all day and the trouble she has been through. Even before she completes, he asks her if she tried taking a pain killer or trying out other ways of handling the pain. This only makes her more agitated and unhappy. In this case, the woman was looking forward to someone who would first listen to her and empathise to her rather than interject and shoot possible solutions to the problem. Its not as if she did not know that a pain killer is something she may have tried. Had the husband listened to her in full and them lovingly inquired if she had tried using a pain killer, she would have been more pleased with him.

Anonymous said...

Speech is silver,
Silence is gold.

But one has to take a decision, to choose Silver/Gold.........

DG

2005-04-28

Let me finish my talking……………..

Everyone talks. No one listens. This is the way the world functions. I have done some amount of work on emotional quotient, being happy, seven habits, etc. Almost all of them have listening as central theme. I have consciously tried to develop this skill. But never really felt that I got used to it. It is difficult to listen. Every time.

Today we had role play. I started with as a listener. There were set rules to follow which if stuck to religiously, bingo, you achieve being a good listener. Believe me, it was tough. And I ended up talking more than required, using a few Buts, Ifs, interrupting the speaker, etc, which were not supposed to be done. Same was the case with all of the team members. What was fun was most of us performed the job of speaker well. The role play of a speaker was an extension of our everyday lives.

The problem with listening is that mind is almost always processing. Some times, thoughts and ideas. Many times, BS. There is so much of work-in-progress that unless you puke it out, there will be disk-space problem in mind. So, there is almost always no time to listen. We however hear most of the time as the mind can simultaneously pick and process the sound waves passing by.

Also, when I can get things or make someone work for my objectives by bullying, using my position or by faking or even by a good strategy, why do I need to sweat over listening, which almost seems unnatural and un-human. But the problem with all these tricks is that solutions will remain short lived. One will have to apply these tricks every time one needs to get something done.

Listening, on the contrary, provides sustainable solutions. We set a rapport and empathy with the other person and he/she voluntarily does things for us. (@)

Let me see if I can improve this skill.

Post Scriputm

(@)We need more skills to do well on personal front than at our office. At office, things are more or less set, objectives are defined, hierarchy is known, and expectations are again understood. In personal life, goal setting is voluntary which again is a result of soul searching. There is no hierarchy. Expectations are not defined. Listening will help personal life more than it can help professional life.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I firmly believe that listening is important in personal life. It can also help you respond 'better'. I recall this favorite example that I repeatedly quote.

A man comes home from work. As soon as he enters his home, his wife starts telling him about the excrutiating headache she has had all day and the trouble she has been through. Even before she completes, he asks her if she tried taking a pain killer or trying out other ways of handling the pain. This only makes her more agitated and unhappy. In this case, the woman was looking forward to someone who would first listen to her and empathise to her rather than interject and shoot possible solutions to the problem. Its not as if she did not know that a pain killer is something she may have tried. Had the husband listened to her in full and them lovingly inquired if she had tried using a pain killer, she would have been more pleased with him.

Anonymous said...

Speech is silver,
Silence is gold.

But one has to take a decision, to choose Silver/Gold.........

DG